Dear Mrsatroxi,

I know how feta cheese got its name! After awhile, it smells just like stinky feet. Wow.

I think I must be in a very cynical mood lately, because people can’t be as stupid as they appear……they just can’t be. I mean, is this a recent occurrence (starting around the same time as the internet), or have I just not been paying attention? Perhaps cynicism is just another way of saying observation.

I was in Target a few weeks ago. (Also a few days ago, but that is not part of this story.) God, how I love Target. Sweet, sweet Target. If you were a woman, I would keep you barefoot and pregnant. Of course, then you would be Wal-Mart, but never mind. Where was I? Oh, yes, shopping. Anyway, as I was saying, I was in Target, attempting to browse the cosmetics section, but the particular area I wished to peruse was blocked by a sprawling woman and her cart. I do my best not to pay much attention to people (trying to avoid cynicism, ha ha!) but I couldn’t help but notice her, well, tones, as she wailed into her cellphone: “I am soo upset. They don’t have no Pretty Pink. It ain’t here! I looked an looked an it ain’t here! No Pretty Pink! They don’t have my Pretty Pink!” And so forth and so on. Pretty pink, pretty pink, wherefore art thou, pretty pink? Since this was obviously a grieving process that was going to last longer than I could fake looking at nail files, I moved on. Looked at soap, shampoo, razors. Moseyed back. “I can’t believe they stopped selling my Pretty Pink! I’ve looked in all the stores! My Pretty Pink!” CD’s, DVD’s, mags, books. “I told you, it ain’t here! Oh, my Pretty Pink!” Fake plants, greeting cards, wrapping paper. “Preeetttyyy Piiinnnkkkk!” Other side of the store! Toys, tablecloths, lamps, luggage, dog food, shoes, detergent. She’s gone! Praise the lord and pass the eyeliner! Quick, let me…. “But I’ve looked an looked! It ain’t here! I can’t believe Avon stopped making my Pretty Pink! I can’t use other stuff, it don’t match my skin tone, I need my Avon Pretty Pink! Why don’t they have my Avon?” Um, Avon? AVON??? You do realize, madam, that you are in Target? Which, lovely though it is, does not sell Avon products. Neither does Wal-Mart or Rite-Aid, K-Mart or Pep-Boys. Avon is a buy-direct company, which means you buy directly. From AVON! Do you realize, madam, that you just wasted half an hour of my life, your life, and whoever had the misfortune to be on the other end of that phone, offending my ears wailing like the cursed harpie you are over a lost cosmetic that isn’t lost because it isn’t, hasn’t and won’t be sold in stores all because you are too damned stupid to realize the difference between Avon and Maybelline?!?! (Pant, pant)

But, aah, that was just that naughty cynic in me. People like her are the backbone of the something or another, and good people like that are what keep the whatsit spinning! Or something.

What?

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