Zoo Station. 
I’m not happy.
I haven’t been real happy for awhile now. Six months?
The only good thing about this unhappiness is it is situational.
I know where it comes from! Hooray!
Except…
There’s nothing I can do about the Something, at least, not right now.
It’s shocking and disheartening how something so unimportant can color my entire life, can turn into a big huge gaping oozing pustule of a wound that can’t be ignored won’t go away and makes me tired and bitter and sad and angry and hate myself for being myself.
But this is good. It’s good because I’m ready, and I’m willing. I’m on a cusp, I’m looking ahead, and I’ve got more than a foot out that damn door. I know what I want, I know what I don’t want.
I’m ready, ready for what’s next.
August 31st, 2008 at 7:54 pm
Damn….yet again Mrs. A, I feel like I wrote that post.
I havent been happy for a long time myself. I used to be, I remember it, so I know it is true. Right now, I feel like I just exist. Nothing else.
I feel bad about this, because I know it is hell on my family. I fake it as much as I can, but alas they are my family and they can tell something isnt right.
There isnt really anything I can do about it either, because the biggest thing bringing me down cant really be changed, at least not anytime soon. As far as this situation, there isnt really a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak.
Oh well….I’ll just keep existing. It really is the only thing I can do.
And if I may make a request Mrs. A…please post more. I love reading what you write, as I alwasy feel like I get something out of it or have a connection to it in some way. If it means anything to you, you have at least one fan.
September 1st, 2008 at 1:22 pm
It does mean something to me. It really does.
Thank you, Mage.