Hear me Roar? 
Lately I’ve met some well, different folks. One lady in particular. Now, she is perfectly nice, smart and all, but she has some, um, interesting ideas about marriage and relationships. (I should quality all this by saying that she has been married much longer than I, and also has children, so you know, I may just be the surly know-it-all teenager in this, caveat to come.) Ideas that I did not believe actually ever existed at all, and certainly not in the modern world.
She thinks that a married woman must be as perfect as possible for her husband. This means dinner on the table every night with a smiling countenance to go along with it. No discussion of personal thoughts or feelings. Here’s the kicker, for me, anyway. No bodily functions. You husband should never hear you burp, pass wind, chew or snore. You should always look act and feel your best most freshest no matter what.
Yeah.
Now, I do believe the “mystery” should be kept up somewhat, I mean, my husband is my best friend and lover, not my doctor or plumber. However, I also am secure in my knowledge that I am a person, a child of God, a human animal. I am not Woman, a mystical magic creature who glides through life to the sound of fifes, smells of rosebuds and never poos. Ain’t me. Ain’t nobody, she don’t exist, folks. And trying to turn your natural mud-made body into a marble temple just seems a good way to set yourself up for lots of intestinal distress and heartache.
Now, normally I do try and just let folks be, different strokes and all, but this one irritated me a bit more that usual, mostly since she has a daughter she teaches this twaddle to.
But also because her husband just left this paragon of Woman. (I did mention a caveat, didn’t I?)
Any thoughts?
April 20th, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Oh yeah…many thoughts. I think you hit the nail on the head with the word “twaddle”. I find this very sad.
Having been one who has ridden down many roads in the relationship journey, and you know from whence I speak… yup… to find someone who believes as this woman does is rather disturbing and makes me worry about her and more especially about her daughter.
The only thing you can really be in this life is yourself. And it sounds like this woman has lived a lie in order to be some sort of perfect, non-human, being. Look where it got her.
If you can’t be honest with your partner and more importantly, yourself, what have you got?
Very sad indeed.
April 21st, 2008 at 12:52 am
You say her husband left her?
Hmmm….
Maybe HE didnt think that was the way a WOMAN should be and it drove him crazy to the point of leaving.
I know if my wife acted like that, I just dont know. I think Id pull what little hair I have out. Thats nuts……
April 21st, 2008 at 3:16 pm
Wow. People like that still exist? I thought that sort of mentality went the way of the dodo. How sad.
The thought occurred to me that she probably blames herself for the failure of her marriage. I imagine she’s thinking that maybe if she had been a little more perfect he would still be around. And that makes me even more sad. For her.
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:45 am
Blanche: I think one of the more important things my Daddy ever said to me was, “Lie to me, lie to your Mum, lie to your friends, but don’t you ever lie to yourself.”
Mage: A tiny, very immature part of me wondered if the first time he heard a woman burp was a revelation…maybe even a turn-on.
Penny: You know how most of us read Cosmo and roll our eyes at the advice? That’s how I had always thought that 50’s style advice was. It was out there in the world, but nobody actually believed, let alone followed it. I’m sure she does blame herself, her thought process has got to be messed up. Although, if you think about it, “perfection” has got to be hard to live with.
P.S. The back-workings of the site got a facelift….it ate a few comments. Sorry, folks. Here’s one that got eaten:
May 2nd, 2008 at 7:46 am
Thinking like that seems to me to be indicative of rather large self-esteem problems and relationship doubts.
One of the things neither the missus nor I can wrap our heads around (and thank goodness, because I know we never want to understand it,) is just what leads someone to walk out (or cheat) on their spouse.
Sometimes I think it’s perhaps finding some of the “mystery” that has gone, regardless if it’s real or imagined – and looking for more of it. It’s a chance to escape the issues, problems, burping and chewing of the person you’re with – and somehow the thought never comes to mind that EVERYONE has issues, problems, burps and the need to chew. It is flat out impossible to leave out the bits of life you might not want anyone to see when married. So long as you’re not taking pride in those things – like, say…constantly and proudly farting at the drop of a hat – everyone just has to realize that’s what life is.
…or perhaps people want differently scented burps to come home to sometimes. Who knows?
There is no “ideal” in marriage outside of love, respect, affection and friendship for each other. Only pain comes out of constantly repressing thoughts, feelings, ideas and belches. Considering parts of life are painful enough as it is, why invite more in?
May 2nd, 2008 at 3:48 pm
You do make me smile Mrs A
What a wise man your daddy was. ‘To thine own self be true’ was wnat my mother wrote in my Autograph book when I was a child.
My DH knows everything about me warts and all.