Dear Mrsatroxi,

You want to know something?

No?

Tough, I’m telling you anyway.

I’ve been posting on the site for four years now. Holy cow! I feel like I should hand out some kind of an award to you folks for putting up with me this long. (But, you know, not strongly enough to actually buy anything. Tee hee.)

I start my new job on Monday, and I am very nervous already. I have a good feeling about it, but some things (like what time I’m supposed to show up) aren’t finalized, and that bothers me. Not too good with handling spontaneity, at least, not when it comes to something that involves getting a paycheck. I’d be a lousy call-girl.

My last two weeks at my old job were…odd. Distinctly odd. My manager cried when I gave her my notice. And then immediately, without pause, tried to pick my brains for my replacement. My old nice-but-rather-gutless boss teared up. Then brought me flowers. Told me I was the only thing that had kept his business afloat for the past three years. And that no matter what, he wanted only the very best for me. My other boss, the man who signed my paycheck, was nasty to me. Very unprofessional, in my opinion. Until the next day, when he hauled me into his office to beg me to stay. Do what now? Told me I was wonderful, that everybody loved me, that my quality and quantity of work was unsurpassed, and to name what would make me stay, and that he would make it happen. Riiight. Just like all the other little things I’ve asked for have happened. Great business plan there, Bub. Torture your good employees until they crawl half-way out the door, then offer them the moon to try and yank them back. But, I’m a professional, and instead of laughing in his face, I smiled and thanked and said I’d think about it. Then I laughed in his face. But in a totally professional way.

Gah. So odd. So awkward. And they didn’t even get me a 99 cent goodbye card, the losers.

I really wish I’d thought to say the title of this post on my way out the door. Maybe thrown in a couple of colorful colloquialisms or profanities?

Nah. Not worth the breath. Funny to think about, though.

Folks.

Folks, please please help me.

I just got a phone call about the job.

They hired me.

They freaking hired me.

Oh my dear sweet Lord.

The longer I’m in this stupid world, the more I wish I was out of it.

And don’t even start to tell me you haven’t felt that way yourself at some point.

Life is hard, folks, really really hard and none of you can even try to tell me different because you know it just the same way I do. It’s hard and it hurts and the thing is? Most of the time it’s not even worth it.

I have a few drafts I’m working on for y’all. Well, for me, but you’ll be reading them too, and I want to get them right. One of them is…intensely personal, and I really want that one to come out good. So that’s gonna be awhile coming.

I’m sorry for the dramatics and the angst but my life has been on the sucky side lately, and yes, I do know that I’m the only one who can change that, thanks for the mantra. (And do you ever thank that maybe that’s just a cop out for people so they never have to lend a hand? She’s the only one who can help herself, so I’m just gonna sit over here and watch? Genuine curiosity there, folks, not a drop of bitterness, I swear.)

But, hell, what’s the point in living if you can’t complain about it?

Oh, and no, I have no news about the job interview. Thanks for the well wishes. I really, really liked the guy and the job sounded great…I did my best, the best I had at the time. I will keep you posted.