Dear Mrsatroxi,

Ahh………there is nothing that will make you feel more alive than to have a possibly rabid, hissing bat flying around your bedroom. At 2 o’clock in the morning. As you are just drifting off into the sweetest, deepest sleep ever. Really, you should try it. I also recommend being naked at the time.

In honor of odd things, I thought I would showcase some equally odd things, namely, how people find this page!

184 hits for ambidextrous scallywags! I have to sadly report, however, that I have tumbled from the #1 spot on the charts, brought low by atroxi, no less! You are always hurt by the one you love.

29 hits for some form of Hardees and the “clenched hand” girl. (I’m trying to avoid the use of the word “fist”. Oops.) Ah, the folly of clogged arteries. Maybe enough food makes anything attractive. Like booze.

3 hits for Bon voyage, Charlie Brown. No love for not coming back.

1 hit for sweet young darlings. For some reason, this really creeps me out. A lot.

7 hits for that sweet hot fat chiropractic porn! Excuse me while I vomit.

Okay, with that out of the way, my last specimen of weirdness:

1 hit for fist. Just fist.

Just fist……wouldn’t that be a great name for a band?

Dear City of Sucksbury,

I just had to send you a wee note of appreciation. I want to thank you so very, very much for the gift you have left our neighborhood. Some have even said we don’t derserve it, that it was simply too generous. I have lain awake for many a night wondering what it was this dwelling place of ours lacked. And when it snowed derriere deep to a giraffe, I worried and wondered even more. But you, you town leaders in your wisdom, you knew just what that something was. It was a 20 x 20 foot pile of dirty snow and ice and slush from all the streets nearby, wasn’t it? How did you know that this was just what we had been praying, nay, yearning for? Thank you so much for this wonderous gift. It is so pretty, with the bits of street trash and flotsam sticking out of it as it slowly melts! So very colorful, so artistic. The neighborhood cats and dogs just love it too, and have even put some of their own colors on it. And the placement! I simply cannot say enough about the placement! As first, I must admit I was a bit concerned about the fact that it is on the very end of my street, therefore making it impossible to see on-coming traffic without actually being out in the actual road. But then I realized that you were too crafty and too thrifty for the likes of me! Of course it has to be there, doesn’t it? Because that way you can save the money you never spent on speed control in our children-always-at-play neighborhood! Let’s face it, the front of my pristine Subaru will stop someone from speeding much better than any old cop with radar, won’t it now? And if they’re going fast enough, even stop them from speeding forever, and me too! How how truly great are our city leaders, may we all bow before their deep and abiding wisdom! I don’t think I shall ever be able to express how deeply my gratitude goes for this so generous, so community-minded an act. Thank you so very, very much. I hope someone does something just as wonderful for you and your neighborhoods someday. I truly, deeply do. In fact, I will go so far as to say that if you ever need something like this done, I will be delighted to oblige.

Thank you again and again.